Life Parallels

layers
of life
stories
all pertaining to the same underlying fact
of truth
telling me,
telling us.

i need to be
hit
on the head,
dense boney pumpkin that it can be,
to learn life lessons.
instead
i am blessed
to be able to see
and know -
to be shown
these multiple parallel lines in life.
sometimes on time
and sometimes too late
but all for good reason,
eventually.


these ironies
these metaphors
these reinforcing truths
aging confidence
in my soul.

early july veggies, herbs and trees

the watermelon and pumpkins are about 18 inches worth of vine this morning.  a flower or two on each - and the leaves and flowers are small.  the rabbits are not as big a bother  - even though there are about 5 times more rabbits this year than last.  i put up a different fence - obviously more effective than last year's.  the cucumbers and tomatoes are finally growing...they took a long time to start. i have trays of watermelon and pumpkin seeds popping now. and the corn seedlings will be about 4 inches tall when i put it in the ground this week. they are about 3 inches now. bunnies love baby corn - and i will put a plastic milk carton around each plant to protect them .  the plants doing the best here - i did not plant.  they are volunteer tomatoes growing all over the yard.  so far i see cherry tomatoes and the yellow teardops that we had last year.  spread by birds via there special organic 'fertilizer'.

my herbs are ... changing.  the oregano has flowered and is now beginning to fall over.  it is last year's plant.  perhaps it is finished and reseeding itself.  my thyme has barely grown and the sage grew and now looks like it is dying.  perhaps it dries on the plant?  the basil is already flowering and it is large and beautiful.  the rosemary bush out front is a rabbit house i think.  the dog has made an inroad on the north side of the bush...and the limbs are yellowing on that side.  it is a large bush and will survive.  rosemary is very hardy.

the strawberries are doing well.  soon i will plant a more professional row - with plastic rows keeping weeds and bugs at bay -  and a soaker hose for more efective watering.  the berries are delicious!  the grapes and berries have split stories.  i have one grape and one blackberry in the veggie garden out back.  They are doing very well.  I have 10 grape and 2 blackberry out front - and they are doing - not so well.  about one to two feet of growth out front versus 8 feet on the grape and 3 feet on the blackberry out back.  the ones in the garden are a year older - and they get watered much more.  after this season is finished - i will move the garden grapes and blackberry to the front - all together - and run the trellis and watering systems.  since this is the first year on the grapes out front, i am letting them grow however they want; without a trellis system.  next season i will take the healthiest - strongest part of the plants and attach them to the trellis line.  i planted them with wire cages for gopher protection - and it is working.  However i think i would like to invest in a gopher blaster for next season.  the roots will begin to go past my underground fence and go deep into gopher territory...and i hate losing plants to gophers.  (a gopher blaster uses propane, oxygen and fire to create an explosion - and the shock waves kill the gophers and moles, voles, etc.)

we have 3 avocado trees left out of the 5 we planted.  gophers took the two that died.  the remaining 3 are looking very good.  they were fed 2 weeks ago and get watered deeply once a week.  they are about 4 to 5 feet tall and look to be producing fruit.  i hope the fruit makes it without being eaten by insects or critters.  i moved our dwarf apple trees and they are looking wonderful - better than ever.  they took the transfer very well.  i used a little root stimulator and lots of water - and they are green and beautiful.  i was given several trees for my birthday - some lived - some didin't.  i lost the plum and apricot.  i think i planted them in an area that was too wet back in november.  the apple and the peach however - are doing very nicely.  the peach is battling some fungus - but i think we can beat it.  i pluck the affected leaves carefully and throw them in the trash right away.  careful not to infect anything else.  i hope i can get it healthy without using any chemicals.

it's been a long time...

i'm not sure why i stopped writing on this blog.  oh yeah, i remember - i thought it was a stupid self centered waste of time.  yeah.  well, perhaps it is - but then again, maybe there is some merit to journaling, eh?

so.  here we go again.

much has happened since last we communed.  the chickens lay eggs consistantly, however,  we've lost two as of yesterday.  one to neighbor dogs in the yard and one to ??  dogs or coyotes.  i think coyotes.  coyotes ate three of our neighbor's chickens last week.  there were a few months when i did not hear or see the coyotes - but they are back.  i am worried for the baby goats who should be born soon.  frankie is very pregnant with two kids.  her husband is a fearsome protector - but i think if the yotes worked together they could take him out too.  nature is awesome.  i say that with a sarcastic submission.  we can try to keep things orderly - but nature will win somehow.  just like jeff goldblum says about all female dinasaurs in jurassic park - nature finds a way.

we have a neighbor named willie who is interested in keeping his horse here.  the 9 year old stallion is not very big - i'd guess it is really a pony.  (14.2 hands and smaller is a pony).  willie's brother in law died and left the horse to willie's wife.  they brought him from mexico.  i will be sure to get copies of the vaccination records and identification records to keep on hand.  we put up two mare motels and have been changing the fencing layout in order to accomodate a couple of horses.  willie will feed his horse and pay us $75 per month to rent the space and use the trail around the yard.  we will probably have an arena space leveled out sometime this year also.

i've been taking horseback riding lessons for about 4 months now.  i love it.  the horse i've been riding is named Cash.  he's a lazy one time rodeo horse who is very laid back.  he will take advantage of me when he can.  i've learned that being 'nice' and asking him to do things does not work.  i have to be serious and apply pressure (the proper riding 'aids') to him - so he knows i am the boss.  it is a very different feeling for me.  i tried to use respect in the workplace, as my supervisor tool  - and with people it has mostly worked.  but with a horse it is different.  in order to have Cash perform the way i want him to, i have to exude honest, straight-forward power.  a confidance along with follow-thru - using the training aids appropriately.   my leg and butt muscles have grown stronger.  and i can now stand on one foot and not fall down.  my balance has improved like crazy.  getting coordinated enough to do so many things at one time (don't look down, sit up straight, quiet hands, more heel pressure, shorten those reins, turn your head more,  change your diagonal etc....)  has been difficult - but not impossible.  i'm sure i am a slower learner than the kids Sara (my teacher) teaches, but I am learning - deep, core learning.  which is good.  i like it. 

the garden is being turned under soon.  i learned alot from it...like do not plant everything all at once - stagger your plantings so you can enjoy your fruits all summer long and well into fall.  otherwise you have to figure out what to do with hundreds of pounds of cucumbers and pumpkins in the same week!  when we stopped producing tomatoes and i had to go back to the produce department, i must admit, i was tempted to stop gardening.  the produce department is well stocked and organized and the fruits and veggies are fresh and beautiful and don't cost much really.  BUT there is nothing like the flavor of home grown food.  those tomatoes were the best!  so i will replant - but i will be choosing some different things this time - and re-organizing the layout, etc.

i recieved a dozen grape rootstocks for Christmas.  I am putting them in a line out front, where they will receive good sun- and it will look awesome i think!  they are eating grapes, not wine grapes.  i also have 3 blackberry bushes that are going in.  last year's strawberries have multiplied - i have many more strawberries this year.  i am thinking about keeping all the berries together.  not sure yet.  i also put in 4 trees - apple, plum, apricot and peach.  :)

the sun is shining and the air is a cool 65ish this morning.  time for sunscreen, a hat and a shovel.

dental blunder

boyd had oral surgery yesterday afternoon.  the dentist removed a bone growth from the roof of his mouth and in the process he knicked two arteries.  boyd bled from 1pm to, well - last i checked was 1030pm. the bleeding had slowed quite a bit by then - and i went to bed.  the doctor carterized the arteries, but they bled anyway and the doctor simply told us to apply pressure till it stops.  boyd is in alot of pain with this one.  it should give him more room in his mouth, but i think there will be pain for more than the expected couple of weeks. 

the doctor had the technology to see precisely what he was doing, when he was doing it - yet he still cut the arteries.  he has been a dentist specializing in implants and oral surgery for a long time.  he did my implants 10 years ago.  he is my age, and i remember reading his diploma the first time i met him - he graduated the same time i would have, had i persued that much education.  pisses me off!  what was he thinking about that he could not do his job correctly?  why would someone be preoccupied during a surgery on another human being?  that is why they make the big bucks - because they give up such a large part of their lives and devote it to the people who pay them for their expertise.  we want to be able to trust them.  and we can't.  not really.

everyone makes mistakes.

i still feel that doctors are required to live at a higher standard of excellence than most.  that responsibility is why they earn so much money.  many people could do the mechanics of their jobs.  give a person a book, the right tools, and there could be more doctors.  but it is the trust, the responsibility, the finesse that we look for in doctors.  we expect it.  we should be able to expect it. 

boyd is still resting.  he sat up the majority of the night watching movies...keeping his mouth elevated above his heart so the bleeding would be controlled. 

argh.

Father's Day

A time to remember fathers everywhere.  Good ones, bad ones, whatever - just send em a card, eh?  or call and say 'howdy do?'  or simply remember your Dad.  for what he was and what he is now.


i don't think i like to be told when to think of somebody though.  father's day and mother's day and valentine's day - really are about spending money, aren' they?  and that is disgusting.


i think of my parents everyday.  sometimes to appreciate. sometimes to remember, sometimes to blame (i said that just the way daddy does!), sometimes to be sentimental, sometimes to wonder.  i dont' send cards very well.  i am terrible at phone calls.  i do email and posts, but alot of people think that is too cold.  technology has made it so we can be closer to people, while really being at a safe distance.  we can control things better, we don't hafta listen - we can simply delete...but that's another story.


i truly appreciate fathers and fatherhood.  raising a child without a father is more than difficult, it is bad for the child.  there is so much a child learns from each parent - even how to argue is an important lesson.  for me - having a father is a good thing, having a grandfather was a good thing and having a father for my children (my hubby) is a good thing.  they have all influenced my children, they have influenced me.  sometimes good, sometimes not so much.  but even the not so much times can, and often do, result in good life lessons.


my father deeply loved his father...his love for my grandpa grew stronger as they got older.  from all the stories i've heard, their younger years were difficult because my father was much like my son, full of piss and vinegar.  the odds are pretty good that grandpa was that same way when he was a kid.  i know in grandpa's later years, that same chemical mixture was seen and heard at many of our visits.


being a father is a difficult job.  since kids did not come with instruction books, we all learned how to raise and react to children kinda on our own...with our own childhood as the base.  and kids are each so different!  can be confusing to say the least. 


dad's job=

1. earn money for the family (being out of the house for about ten hours per day)
2. come home after work and be expected to resolve conflicts, offer love, answer questions, play, etc. - even though you are tired.
3. be interested in your child's life - school, sports, friends, problems
4. be the discipliner; aligned with mom's decisions from the daytime when you were absent
5. help mom change diapers, feed babies, shop, house stuff, even though you are tired.
6. be a daddy for the rest of your life
7. be a grandpa - i would think that would be more fun than being a dad  :)
8. be a great grandpa 
9. attend weddings, graduations, life altering occasions
10. wonder and worry and take pride in your children for the rest of your life.
11. feel underappreciated and sometimes forgotten
12. probably more stuff i can't think of right now

I wish my father a lovely father's day - everyday, not just the third sunday in june.  thank you for being you...it has been an interesting journey getting to know and understand you.  you are like a bottle of very good wine.  as you age the different textures become more apparent - and more lovely.  bold yet subtle, more tannin than fruit, yet the fruit still holds it's own in an almost stubborn way, a very subtle cherry - like your old pipe smoke. 

elephant and ego

i have always liked elephants.  one of my favorite photos is of a child and an elephant sitting on a bench and the child has it's arm around the elephant's back.  good friends.  when i was young ( about 4 years old i think)  i had fantasies of being the elephant tamer in a circus.  i was the small beautiful girl in a sparkly outfit telling the behemoth pachyderm what to do - and it obeyed me.  it would lift me up with it's trunk and i would ride high above as it did its tricks at my urging.  i would lie on the floor and it would pretend to step on me or lie ontop of me - stopping short, so the audience gasped but no harm was done, because the elephant loved and obeyed me.  i dreamed about this scenario the other night.  i had not thought of it in years.  te beginning of the dream was fluffy and pretty and fun.  and then it changed. the elephant in my dream went mad and the sparkly girl tried and tried to tame her elephant, but the elephant would have none of it.  the elephant understood that the routines the girl was using were no longer effective, no longer useful, no longer amusing, no longer safe -  they actually did more harm than good.  The elephant was tired of being hurt and abused by the small self absorbed sparkly child who only loved and protected herself.  The elephant wanted more.  The elephant wanted to love and be loved.  she was finally willing to break away from the tyranny of the child and find a more harmonious life.
I told patti about this dream and my history of he elephant and the sparkly child.  she was excited by it and truly happy for me.  this is an amazing thing she told me.

the sparkly child is my ego and the elephant is me.

One of my vices

I like to watch the Ghost hunter type shows.  I know, right?  I like seeing the different old buildings and learning their stories...the stories of the people who lived in them so many many years ago.  I like watching the grown men and women walk about in the dark talking to the darkness.  The night vision makes everything look eerie and there are always many bumps, creaks, and whispered voices.  Sometimes there are floating orbs of light, unexplained mists and fogs, shadows and apparitions, sometimes you can hear the voices played back on a recorder, sometimes it sounds like just noise- sometimes you can hear words.  Sometimes the investigators get hit or scratched.  Oh - and did I mention the temperature changes and the electronic magnetism field?  That goes up and down too.  The ghosts also drain the cameras of their power...they use that energy so they can use it to make themselves known to the investigators.

It was interesting to note that the investigators tell us that if a place has a high emf  (eltro magnetic field) - that certain individuals are sensitive to it and will become nauseous, paranoid and feel a heaviness on their bodies.  That can explain some people thinking a place is haunted.  I think that is interesting because when we lived in Big Creek and I walked past the power plant I always felt weird...I always thought that if their was an electrical storm I would be the one hit by lighterning.  The hair on my arms would stand up too.

I realize that all this stuff can be an illusion for dramatic appeal.  I agree that often these people look and sound kinda foolish...and they do foolish things.  I understand all this - and yet, still, I watch.  Boyd sometimes sits with me as i watch.  It is really hard for him to sit quietly though.  His remarks are mostly snarky jabs, as you can imagine coming from my rational hubby.

I know - it is a silly habit...an embarassing habit.