Life is like a box of chocolates, ya never know wut yer gonna get

Life is like a box of chocolates, ya never know wut yer gonna get

Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year, New Resolve, New - Me??

For the last several years I resolved to NOT make any resolutions, because I was always breaking them. Last year I had a goal that was pretty successful. I would not call it a resolution in the beginning, because I didn't want to jinx it - but it was a resolution just the same. I lost 80 pounds. I had 35 more to go when I lost my job mid-October. It is amazing what depression does to my eating habits. I have gained 15 pounds since October 16th - and I resolve to take those off, along with the additional 35 to get to my ultimate goal. So - 50 pounds off this year.

When I lost the original 80 pounds, I did not exercise. I only went to work. My job often involved walking and lifting and sometimes moving very quickly, so there was some exercise, but not much really. This time I will exercise. I want to tone my core and improve my cardio health and breathing capacity. I want to be able to climb Mt Whitney in late July with my husband and kids. It is over 12,000 feet high, so the breathing is an important factor; one which exercise will help significantly.

Another change I am making is with my reading habits. I want to read more books. I read alot as a kid. Since I am not working I will have the time and I love going to the library. I was going to try and read 2 books per week, but that may be a bit harsh. So - my goal is 150 pages per week.

I want to hone my writing skills also. My Grandma always wanted me to write books, so I am officially working at it now. With the help of my daughter's education and literary talents, I will commit to writing at least 100 words five days a week.

I am still pondering the next one. I want to let my hair color grow out. I dye my hair brown. It has been brown most of my life. I experimented with a few variations, but brownish is what I was born with. At 53 years old, my hair is mostly white now. I'd like to let it go white. I've said that many many times...only to cave in and get it colored when an occasion of some sort rears its head. (Like a job interview). We'll see how it goes.

I want to cut back on the caffeine again

I hope that in one year we can all look back and be happy with our decisions and choices of 2010.

Happy New Year!

Monday, December 14, 2009

a dark and stormy night

It actually was a dark and stormy night when Jennifer left the house to walk 9 miles to her boyfriend's home. She'd just had another fight with her parents and needed to clear her head. One of those 'I'm never going home again' moments. She hooked up the family dog; an 80 pound female German Shephard named Kleina Pupschon, (little doll in German), to a lead, and the two of them took off into the night. It was easy to feel fearless at 17 years old with a heart full of anger and a protective dog at your side.

Seventeen year old girls are women. It doesn't matter who has what opinion - the fact is - she is a woman. And when two women try to live in the same house - fireworks go off, trains collide and sometimes words that are best left un-said - are spoken. Jennifer and her Mother had not seen eye to eye on life for a couple of years. Weird thing was, they both wanted the same things...respect, love, acceptance. But family dynamics can be strange things and, sadly, the two women never fully acquired those feelings towards each other. Is it truly fair to expect that though? How can you be a mother and a friend at the same time? Is it possble? Probable? Advisable?

Jennifer and Kleina walked quickly down the wet streets, Jennifer's anger welled up in a tight fist in her chest. She needed understanding, she needed comfort. Kleina understood her job and she did it well. As they passed the closed shops uptown, the guys standing in the alley behind the liquor store looked and whistled, but when they saw the growling dog, no chase ensued. Jennifer walked faster, her heart beating fast and hard. She was appreciative of the police station coming up on the right side of the road. She and Kleina stopped to rest just outside the parking lot; Waited to catch her breath, and - until she felt safe enough to go on.

The farther they walked the more the anger lessened and fear set in. Jennifer had led a sheltered existence and a Friday night on Whittier Blvd was not a venue for her to display her strengths. Kleina would have to do that for her. The hormonal cruisers on the blvd did not bother her as she passed all the regular haunts of the populars. when she finally got to the turning point the muscles in her thighs were twitching. She'd not walked this far since the March of Dimes Fundraiser. Once away from the lights and crowd of the Blvd, the neighborhoods went back to being friendly and normal. The sinisterness faded into rare shadows. The Christmas lights and the well lit home interiors had a cheerly glow, a welcoming feel. By the time she'd reached her boyfriend's family's house, the importance of the fight seemed to have withered into a lame excuse for a long walk in the dark. She wondered if her mom had forgotten too.

Jennifer's essence loved her mother dearly. But the Jennifer that had to live in the world - just could not seem to find the right timing, the right mood, the right things to say. It was like she and her Mother spoke different languages.