Boyd and I have been watching Doctor Who via Netflix for quite awhile. I love that show! Boyd has gotten hooked too.
We've watched since the Doctor before David Tennant ... Christopher Eccleston was his name I think. He was the 9th Doctor and his traveling companion was Rose. My favorite Doctor is Matt Smith. His acting is superb. He can look 12 and he can look 112. He uses his face and body with such perfection - I can tell so much even with the volume off. Wonderful. As for the travelling companions I like the Ponds the best. Amelia (Amy) Pond and her husband Rory.
Boyd and I had gotten almost to the end of Matt's time as the Doctor when Netflix decided to remove the show from its streaming queue. We tried to watch as much as we could to get it all in...but we failed. Fortunately Netflix did let us finish the episode we were watching and not go off air at midnight exactly. The show finished at 12:14am and then there were no more. So, we met this current Doctor, an older gray haired arrogant person, whom I don't think I like. If the writers are smart - I will like him again soon. But, not on Netflix. I have to find another way to watch. Perhaps on BBC itself? I don't know. I do like The Impossible Girl, Clara, and the Doctor's wife (the Pond's daughter) River Song. Yeah, I know - weird. But, it's a time machine!
You have to watch this show.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adbE-c0niiQ
Wow. That wind was scary! The fury of the shivering air was.... just, Wow. I have never been in a gale force wind before. It felt both amazingly wonderful and terrifyingly evil. An angry wind, a fierce blow with an agenda. Destroy anything that is not nailed down. I was deafened by the screaming banshees flying and the eventual thunder and lightning which presented the epitome of a true storm. This is San Diego County folks, we don't usually get real seasonal weather. A typical storm here is a wispy spitting of light rain and enough wind to fly a kite or cruise comfortably in your sailboat.
Speaking of sailboats, Boyd went to the harbor this morning to re-check our boat. He had made some adjustments yesterday - and good thing he did! The boats in the harbor got hit hard. He and a few others went around trying to help out many boat owners who were damaged. Shredded sails and biminis, missing parts and pieces ... found floating far away from their boats. San Diego boat owners don't think about the things a Maine sailor would.
Here at home many of the outbuildings were damaged and the horses were totally freaked out! It looks like the old man - Lil Fella might be sick. He is upset, and has foundered many times already in his 29 years. Chapo got hit on the head by a flying roof of the hay barn. Just a small wound on this tough stallion. Broken branches from the towering eucalyptus trees crossed the trail on the perimeter of the property; fortunately missing buildings and fences, humans and animals.
The air today was beautiful. Clean and crisp with white puffy clouds.
Boyd and I drove to the harbor this afternoon. The wind was exciting and cold! Well, cold for San Diego County anyway. It was below 50 degrees. We checked on the boat...and good thing. The sail had begun to unfurl. Boyd got everything tied down and buttoned up. We checked on a friends boat and it was a mess! The bimini was shredded and their sail cover was blown away. We saw many boats with shredded sails. That is a very costly lesson in sailboat care. We were warned of Gale- Force winds today. Some boats in the harbor were jumping up and down and side to side, bumping and grinding on the docks. An unfortunate location right in front of the first waters into the harbor from the ocean- and a straight shot of wind at them.
We drove out along the beach to see the waves. Wind and sand pounded the car. The waves broke over the tops of the jetties; fast and furious. It was exciting to watch. However, we hastened our retreat taking care to not hurt the car with the coarse sand on the paint and in the motorworks.
When we returned home we saw several out buildings had lost part or all of their roofing. They were all along the horse pens. No horses were hurt. They are very excited though. They have on their coats for the night.
The longer that I live, the more I am assured of my stupidity. Pardon me, not stupidity, more like being ignorant or misinformed. Little and small thoughts I thought to be my beliefs are wrong. And - I thought I was done with that realizing. I thought I was down to the basics in my psyche type discoveries. But, even the small things are becoming my undoing. Other people are remembering things differently than I remember them. My feelings and/or beliefs on many subjects are proving to be wrong...and they are being proven to me by people I considered not as intelligent as me. It is very humbling. My ego cried for a while today - and then just fell down in a slump and gave in. I know nothing really. I thought I could at least claim a little glimmer of info/intelligence for myself. But I was wrong.
I've lived most of my life with an escape from of any piece of any statement I made. There are no certainties...there must always be a way to back out gracefully when I find myself in a pickle. Or simply to make statements such that no escape is necessary because the statement is not made in an absolute manner. But recently I feel no grace, I feel no need for that grace. I am simply dumbfounded when I am proven wrong on subjects that I long believed I knew about. It is not a negative feeling really - more like a sad acceptance of another new fact. Sometimes I care about it, sometimes not so much. But, I guess it is enough to write a little about.
I often wonder how so many people can make statements and stand by them. A particular person believes a certain statement to be true, They will prove it and often have people agree with them. Then when there are other people who can discount the theories and prove the first person wrong - he will still believe he is right. Yikes! I just don't get it! Egomaniacs? Lack of communication? Language problems?
Anyway. today I had several such encounters with my husband and my sister in law. They were simple things - unimportant things - but I was proven wrong. Again. And when it happened I fell silent for about an hour. I don't think either of them noticed my sadness or my non involvement in our sailing adventure this afternoon, as I often have my quiet times. I was sad, and still am, that I am finding out that I am not a smart person. It has been years since I've worked. Sometimes I loved my job. I loved going to school, I loved getting good grades. I loved applause. And I have not received any applause in a long while. It is a sort of lonely feeling. I was a Hermione (from Harry Potter novels) in my younger days - a know it all. It got me into trouble quite often and I tried (and succeeded) in mending my ways.
Already my mind is ticking off items of interest on this subject. First is - I have not been trying for applause. I have not been trying...anything really. I have been sitting with either a book to read or a movie to watch. My home is messy, but not filthy. My husband and I share laundry duties. Sometimes I cook, sometimes we order out. It is as though I am disappearing.
We live in a world that is so large, that the earth is an invisible speck on a chart. And on that speck live 7 billion people, all with different personalities, spiritual beliefs and shapes and colors,etc. Is the individual earthling, born in the state of California of the United States of America in the Northern Hemisphere - really important enough to have important statements to make?
I suppose if I lived in a place where I had to work for a living I would feel differently. I have an easy life. We are not wealthy for Californians, but overall the earth - I think we are rich. What if I were a middle eastern woman who had to wear that black dress, covering everything and had none of my personality valued, What if my life was inhumane... with too many children and a husband who beats us. If that fear and torture were involved, would I be more awake? Or would I just lay down and die? I couldn't die because I have children to feed. I would probably be busy trying to out fox the husband to get what i want and what I need.,,without getting stoned to death in the process. Of course my feelings of entitlement would probably not be there - as they stem from attitudes in the United States. It is difficult to imagine life in another's shoes.
Focus Jenn! Tomorrow - plan your day and be productive. Don't waste this precious gift of life. Not very much left of it. Do things. Be Happy!
So - dear ones - my diet is in place and doing great so far. I went out to lunch with Cindy yesterday and had 3 tacos, 1 skinny margarita and beans and cabbage salad and chips and salsa. No dinner. My weight stayed the same. Yay!!! I do love going out to eat and play! Today I am concentrating on cleaning the house and beginning prep for my vegetable garden. I found another stevia plant today at Lowes. Stevia is the Best sweetener! Going to wash the dogs also. They have had 2 servings of their worm medicine, with a third one tomorrow. They don't like it much. Tomorrow I will disguise it with yogurt or ??? Something better than peanut butter, which they love, but they know I've hidden something in it. Clever girls.
Such a beautiful day today! Sunny and 70 degrees. The birds are singing and the air is fresh. Thanks for all the wonder in my life. Thanks for a wonderful husband and children. Thanks for the love.
I was looking at the statistics for this blog of mine. It tells me how many views there have been and what country they are from. I have some from China, United States of America, Poland, Germany and Mexico. Wow! There are not many of you - but to think that someone so far away from California would read my essays - just, Wow!
I then I began to consider how whiny I can be. Yikes! I have a good life here in San Diego County. Compared to many people, I have a home, food to eat, shelter, a husband who loves me and 2 fun dogs. My son lives next door and is progressing well in all aspects of his life. My daughter is miles away, but we talk and visit all the time. She is married to a good man and they have a home, two children, a dog and a cat. Basically, everyone is doing well. I am grateful for what I have. I did nothing to deserve it. I am only an average person - at least I think so.
But, when I read the news, creep out of my comfy hole and look at other people and their troubles - Wow! While in my comfort zone I forget there are other people with other lives. I read on Facebook this morning about a man who had a mini house built for him and he was happily living in it. It looked about 8 x 10 feet maybe, and it was taking up a parking place on the street...the same area a can would take. The police kicked him out and put him in jail! I see so many people living in tent cities and plastic make shift shacks under freeways, or in semi secluded areas. People just trying to live. The basics - Shelter, Food, Warmth. And this is San Diego!! Imagine the winter blizzards!
Even the rain, the mud of our rain storms...the cold air from the ocean, can cause illness. This season's flu virus is horrible. Imagine if you could not stay warm enough! Or dry enough. Or have enough clean water to drink or food to eat.
As I consider all this, I begin to feel like I want to help something, someone, somewhere. And I imagine trying to give out blankets, socks, hat...and being either mugged or ridiculed. I don't know. Perhaps that is me trying to get out of it. I wonder if the charity groups reach the neediest of people. Who are the neediest of people? Are we aware of them? Or are they silent and hidden away?
I think I will check out the different charities and decide where to begin helping. I don't want to sit around consuming...just another fat American. I want to share. Of course, my husband might have something to say about it. I run on emotion and he runs on logic and rationality. But, he is a kind man and will work with me on this I think. I'll keep you posted on my progress.
I'd love to know who reads this...why do you read it? do you like it? or am i part of a statistical percentage of certain types? or something like that.
i hope good things for you.
I want to believe in a power greater than me. I want a creator who is all powerful and loving. I am a Christian sort of...I don't know what the different denominations would say about me now. I believe in the majority of things in the Holy Bible, however, which version? And, why are so many documents left out? And how do you know that the scholars who put it together were working through the Spirit of God? I've known many people who claim to have the word of God - and they are liars. We are human beings. We make mistakes. So, what to believe, and why?
My friends tell me I over think things. I do. I want to understand. I want to know if what some people call phony - is it phony? or is it true? or sorta true?
I've been playing with the idea of visiting a Meet-Up with a Psychic Development Group. It is $25 for 2 hours in Oceanside. Why do they charge money? Is it a way to make money? Is all of religion and / or spiritual need just a money making opportunity?
Perhaps rather than meeting with people I should read books. I've noticed that many people on Facebook groups do not seem very intellectual. Emotional people can believe lots of things to make them feel better. I am an emotional person. Is that what I want?
I've had people tell me that my Aura is a blueish crystal color. My spirit animal is the Owl with the Bear a close second. I've loved and felt bear-like forever. Especially with people I love. I am a Momma-Bear, for sure. Sometimes I just "Know" things about people. It is a calm knowing, but the fact that I feel it surprises me.
I believe that God is bigger than I was taught he was. I think the Bible puts Him in a box. Not everything is addressed in the Bible...or, if it is, it is not clear to the average 2016 person. Language changes all the time. Cultural slang becomes proper speech over a period of several years. It is one of my pet peeves, but I lose my language because people can't spell, slang changes because of media, the arts, music, etc.
Why would God want to encourage killing? Hate? So many people have died in the name of God.
Of course there is hypocrisy in churches. I'm not talking about that. That is not the reason I have not been to church in a few years. I realize humans are broken and that is why they search for God.
I just want to know if God will hate me if I research other types of spirituality. The Bible tells me it is an abomination. But, why? Isn't God big enough to watch as we live and learn from other things in His world? If we bump into things and fail...so be it. If we learn more - and discover a bigger world, a bigger love...is that wrong?
I think that if I'm wrong and I bump into monsters in the darkness, God will forgive me and welcome me back...in fact, he will save me. I know he loves me. He made me and he knows about my curiosity. When my children are curious, I want them to discover things for them selves, but I want to protect them from harm too. When they discover for themselves, they are more likely to return to me permanently. If I tell them, if I command them - they may revolt, turn away and never return. I think God knows that too.
