On Communication:

You never know when or if, a person is damaged, and how so, – please keep this in mind:

When you tell someone what you think about them, it is vital (if you love them) to phrase everything positively.  For example - the glass is half full, rather than half empty.  By using the uplifting and hopeful type of sentencing, you are telling the person that you care about their welfare. You are sharing love.  By using the more negative phrasing you are telling them that you are condemning them. 

¹neg·a·tive

 adjective \ˈne-gə-tiv\

: harmful or bad : not wanted

: thinking about the bad qualities of someone or something : thinking that a bad result will happen : not hopeful or optimistic

: expressing dislike or disapproval

The negative connotations, (words, tone of voice and posturing), may lock the person receiving the comments into shackles of self-loathing and negative beliefs about themselves.  If the Receiver has been in those shackles long, then you may be reaffirming and justifying their presence.  The positive style of communication works just the opposite, giving the person hope and increasing their awareness of you and what you want from them.  Once they can become truly aware in their soul, in their spirit  - and if they love you – they will try to give love back to you, by listening and perhaps opening a dialogue about changes and needs.

Often, people think that they need to tell another person about the other’s negative “qualities”, to teach the receiver about what and how they are…and how they should be.  As though, the person does not realize that they have faults.  The Teller might love the Receiver and think he is helping them.  Most people know they have faults.  If they have not changed them after many years, they have either accepted them as normal and okay, or they have a problem with them, and they are having difficulty changing.  It is possible that they do not care, but most people I’ve known have mental and/or emotional blocks to changing their bad habits because of these invisible shackles that have them bound into a loathsome identity created and strengthened by the so called well-meaning people who continue to tell them how bad their problem is.

Remember that everyone looks at life through a different lens.  Like theater lights – they can shine white and bright, or you can put a colored film across the light can and get a different colored light on your life’s stage.  You can put a stencil across the can and get shadows of things that are not really there…they are just suggested images…shadows of things that seem larger than life itself.  We do not know what lens a person sees with.  The person telling the “facts” to the receiving person might see things that the receiving person is not capable of seeing, and visa-versa.  Both of their lens’ present life in totally different colors and/or shapes.  This is not to say that either person is ‘wrong’.  They are different.  And communication is difficult, and sometimes impossible.

If one person has a certain pile of trash that has made their filter green – and they are trying to communicate with a person who has rose colored with flower stenciling on his lens…they can say the same words and feel very different things.  They might never truly see ‘eye to eye’.

Don’t beat each other down in the name of love.  Know that each word that comes out of your mouth will be tested and you will be accountable for them; both the letter of the word and the spirit of the word.  Take into consideration the person you are speaking to.  Try to speak to your audience; Try to know their lens; their filters.  Try to share the half full glass and thereby share love with that person.  Do not hate people in the name of love.

Mind Discoveries

I locked myself in an air-tight mental Tupperware container for forty three years.  Emotional trauma is a bitch.

I can't remember if I discussed the sources of that trauma, and they don't actually matter.  People experience pain and hurt and become damaged.  We cannot change these things.  They are in the past, they are what they are.  But we don't have to live in the aftermath forever.  God gave me a life and he says I deserve to live it.

I've always known that there is someone watching out for me;  Someone who is smarter and wiser and loves me. The Holy Spirit does these things, but, what I am talking about now is not spiritual.  It is my mind.   I enslaved part of myself  when I was twelve, because I truly believed that I could not exist with a portion of my personality left out to live in this world.  Problem is - we need all of ourselves in order to operate optimally.  Perhaps much of my lifetime of confusion and fear was because pre-adolescent me was trying to protect herself.

So many parts - and they are all important to the whole.

An amazing side effect of this uncovering - is that I don't feel like the pathways are clogged up with obstacles anymore.  I feel like a new part of me has been released and is happily carrying on.  In fact, she is dancing!  Stretching her legs and making plans for the future.




 

Old Drafts of Old Memories

Since it has been awhile since I posted here (except for the last post) I looked through past posts and found many drafts.  Thoughts I had and deemed unworthy of posting.  But I like this one.  So, here you are...


Monday morning Cindy and I had our weekly riding lesson.  We ride horses.  Cindy rides English style and I ride Western.  She says the English style makes her feel closer to the horse,(the saddle is smaller),  and I like Western because of Roy Rogers and John Wayne.  When I get the nuances of Western down, I'll give English a try...but that will be awhile.


It has taken me many months of riding to develop any type of mastery feelings in this venture.  In fact, I don't truly feel mastery yet - but I'm closer.  Much closer.  I can tack up and groom with confidance now.  I used to be so afraid I'd get it all wrong and hurt the horse.  Sometimes I still get the bridle twisted out of its proper shape.  Both the horse and I stand there wondering what the hell I was doing to her face. 


I have been working with a licensed trainer and lessons are an hour long.  I'm glad I did it this way because Sara has had me build skill and talent through a patient plan.  She majored in Behavioral Science and is quite adept at helping people (and animals) monitor and change their behavior.  I have never felt judged badly by anyone at the stable, except by myself.  Always uplifting, patient and kind.  I've had a glimpse of other people's dramas from time to time, but - such is life. 


I began riding because it is something I have always wanted to do.  When I was 4 years old we had neighbors who had horses.  They would go for rides fairly often and ride by our house.  We lived in Sacramento at the time.  (or was it Fair Oaks?)  Anyway - I remember standing on the corner where they would pass by on their way home from their rides.  I was too shy to speak, but I figured if I looked cute enough - they would see me and know that I wanted to ride. 

"Oh look, what a doll!  I'll bet she'd love to ride the horse.  Here, sweetie - you're so cute, I can tell you want to ride my horse.  Let me help you up into the saddle." 

In my mind I had a great time.  In my wishful young mind. 

Isn't it funny how clearly we can remember some things and not others?  That was 51 years ago!  And I can still feel the sunny, breezy day and I can smell the horses and the warm grassy mounds in the empty lot; sage I think.