elephant and ego

i have always liked elephants.  one of my favorite photos is of a child and an elephant sitting on a bench and the child has it's arm around the elephant's back.  good friends.  when i was young ( about 4 years old i think)  i had fantasies of being the elephant tamer in a circus.  i was the small beautiful girl in a sparkly outfit telling the behemoth pachyderm what to do - and it obeyed me.  it would lift me up with it's trunk and i would ride high above as it did its tricks at my urging.  i would lie on the floor and it would pretend to step on me or lie ontop of me - stopping short, so the audience gasped but no harm was done, because the elephant loved and obeyed me.  i dreamed about this scenario the other night.  i had not thought of it in years.  te beginning of the dream was fluffy and pretty and fun.  and then it changed. the elephant in my dream went mad and the sparkly girl tried and tried to tame her elephant, but the elephant would have none of it.  the elephant understood that the routines the girl was using were no longer effective, no longer useful, no longer amusing, no longer safe -  they actually did more harm than good.  The elephant was tired of being hurt and abused by the small self absorbed sparkly child who only loved and protected herself.  The elephant wanted more.  The elephant wanted to love and be loved.  she was finally willing to break away from the tyranny of the child and find a more harmonious life.
I told patti about this dream and my history of he elephant and the sparkly child.  she was excited by it and truly happy for me.  this is an amazing thing she told me.

the sparkly child is my ego and the elephant is me.