The Horses That Live Here

We have some horses on the property.  Four horses; none owned by Boyd or me.  Chappo is a quarter horse stallion.  Paloma is an Appendix mare.  And Rhisper and Muni are Icelandic geldings.   They are all so unique.  Looks, attitudes, training and abilities, along with age and personalities; all as different as their owners are different from each other. 

I’ve learned a lot from having these prey animals on the property.  For one thing, I’ve become more social.  I actually say “Hello, how are ya” to these folks.   And I enjoy the horsey banter.  It is very informational and I feel like I am doing something that is helpful and important to these folks.   I feel a bond with them; a little different with each owner, each horse.

Chappo was the first to come and live with us.  A magnificent quarter horse stallion owned by a family that lives about a mile from here.  Willie and Maria inherited Chappo from Maria’s brother; a rancher in Mexico.  Chappo was a cow horse and he did tricks at family parties for entertainment.  Maria said Chappo loves music and giving rides to children.  He was taught to bow, count, answer the question “Where are you going to put me when I die?”  Chappo would paw the ground as an answer.  He would also sit and lie down with people on board him.  And he dances.

Life is very different for him now.  He lives in a 32 x 24 foot pen most of the time.  He gets turned out to a small pasture once a week and sometimes gets worked out in a round pen.  Willie and Maria do not have enough time for him.  They do not want to geld him and they do not want to sell him.  He is a memento of Maria’s dear brother.  Chappo is 10 years old and overweight.  He is frustrated and often angry.  And he bites.

This is very difficult for me to watch.  I have tried to help Chappo by turning him out, but I am still a beginner and I have some fears – which he does not respect at all.  I’ve been bitten three times; more if you count the ones that did not draw blood or leave bruises.  I know it is my fault that I get hurt.  I have not truly understood horse mentality.  Also, I am a very sensitive person and I have noisy reactions, such as screaming.  Not good in the horse world. 

I think I act more like a prey animal than a predator. 

I want to establish Lead Mare status.  Then the horses will know I am in charge and they will act up less and be more pliable with me I think.   I think I need to learn more about herd mentality and see how physical the horses get with each other when establishing rules within the herd.  Then I won’t feel like a mean person when I reprimand or discipline them.

Paloma was the second horse to arrive.  She is a 5 year old palomino appendix (quarter and thoroughbred cross).  She is taller than Chappo and her legs are thinner.  She is less coordinated.  She is aggressive regarding her food.  She likes to get her way and she paws the ground to get your attention.  Sometimes she shakes her head around and sometimes she pins her ears back.  But most of the time she just stands there, unless her owner, Raul, comes to work her, go for a ride or feed her and clean her stall.  She is a pretty girl.  She was attacked by pit bulls when she was younger and they left scars all over her body.  It is amazing that she does not hate dogs now.  She does, however, not let them get too close to her – she will chase them away.  The chickens like to take dust baths in her pen.  I think she likes that.

Raul and Willie were both horsemen in their younger days.  They are in their 40’s now and have to work regular jobs, so they cannot spend as much time as they would like with their horses.  They are both nice men.

The third pen is occupied by Rhisper and Muni, two Icelandic geldings.  They are short – pony sized, but they are stout.  Icelandics have very thick bone structures and are quite strong.  They are gaited horses and do something called the Tolt.  I rode Rhisper and experienced the tolt – it is grand!  So smooth.  We used English and Australian saddles.  There was much more human participation in the ride because more balance is involved.  I enjoyed it very much.

Cindy and Paul own these two boys.  Cindy and Paul are from Idaho and moved here in the last year.  They are our age with grown children and some grandchildren.  Cindy and her best friend Cheri work the boys about 3-4 times per week.  Either in the round pen or on a trail ride.  Cheri is a trainer who is trying to get the boys to respond in more conventionally acceptable ways, so that Cindy’s grandkids will be able to ride them safely and perhaps show them if they desire.

These ladies are fun to be around. I learn a lot from them and they are very kind to me.

Life and Death and War and Cards

Last night I went with my husband to play cards with an elderly neighbor.  He fell and broke his leg a little over a month ago and loves the card game Biribba.  It is a Greek game (or Italian - depending on who you ask), much like rummy on steroids.  He has been playing the game since his childhood.  It was a way to pass the time when the Germans would not allow Greek children on the streets during WWII.  George considers it a war game and he plays very well.  My husband and George were at the top of their games - amassing many many points, while I trailed behind, enjoying the experience.

Towards the end of the night - I did not know what exactly I was beginning to feel, but I was in awe of George.  Not that he played so well, but about his history - so many stories about Greece and war and family and survival in wartime - and the fact that a broken leg from a fall in the garden might now be the end of his life.  He is in his mid-80's and the leg is infected and antibiotics are not working.  His coloring is yellow and jaundiced.  He was in a good mood during play, but I think he became tired towards the end of the game.  It can take several hours to finish a game.

I'm nervous around people who are near death.  When I visited my grandparents and my mother as they were just days from their ends, it is an overwhelming sense of helplessness I feel.  I guess I always feel I want to help somehow.  And when I can't - I get a manic desire to jump on the table and do a happy dance...to entertain and make people laugh.

I know two people who have had the opportunity to be present at a person's moment of death; felt their last heartbeat, smelled their last breath.  My step mom said she felt it was a very special time - precious.  My husband felt the same when his mom passed.  Is there an energy transference?  Is it felt?  What happens?  What is it like to die?  Maryann said she held her dear ones in her arms and loved them as they faded away.  Boyd's mom was in a coma, but he felt her pulse as he held her hand.

Not a very cheery post I suppose.  But, I want to be able to give positive energy to people, and I don't in these situations.  Instead I feel overwhelmed - and so I avoid the situations altogether.  And that is just not nice.

Suggestions welcomed.

How funny.

I just finished writing a long piece on spirituality - pointed at a person I thought needed to hear it...and somehow I deleted it.  Wow!!  I think I was not supposed to write it.

That is pretty cool.

Remember to always come from a place of Love.

Old Drafts of Old Memories

Since it has been awhile since I posted here (except for the last post) I looked through past posts and found many drafts.  Thoughts I had and deemed unworthy of posting.  But I like this one.  So, here you are...


Monday morning Cindy and I had our weekly riding lesson.  We ride horses.  Cindy rides English style and I ride Western.  She says the English style makes her feel closer to the horse,(the saddle is smaller),  and I like Western because of Roy Rogers and John Wayne.  When I get the nuances of Western down, I'll give English a try...but that will be awhile.


It has taken me many months of riding to develop any type of mastery feelings in this venture.  In fact, I don't truly feel mastery yet - but I'm closer.  Much closer.  I can tack up and groom with confidance now.  I used to be so afraid I'd get it all wrong and hurt the horse.  Sometimes I still get the bridle twisted out of its proper shape.  Both the horse and I stand there wondering what the hell I was doing to her face. 


I have been working with a licensed trainer and lessons are an hour long.  I'm glad I did it this way because Sara has had me build skill and talent through a patient plan.  She majored in Behavioral Science and is quite adept at helping people (and animals) monitor and change their behavior.  I have never felt judged badly by anyone at the stable, except by myself.  Always uplifting, patient and kind.  I've had a glimpse of other people's dramas from time to time, but - such is life. 


I began riding because it is something I have always wanted to do.  When I was 4 years old we had neighbors who had horses.  They would go for rides fairly often and ride by our house.  We lived in Sacramento at the time.  (or was it Fair Oaks?)  Anyway - I remember standing on the corner where they would pass by on their way home from their rides.  I was too shy to speak, but I figured if I looked cute enough - they would see me and know that I wanted to ride. 

"Oh look, what a doll!  I'll bet she'd love to ride the horse.  Here, sweetie - you're so cute, I can tell you want to ride my horse.  Let me help you up into the saddle." 

In my mind I had a great time.  In my wishful young mind. 

Isn't it funny how clearly we can remember some things and not others?  That was 51 years ago!  And I can still feel the sunny, breezy day and I can smell the horses and the warm grassy mounds in the empty lot; sage I think.

There is Life in the Quiet

I read an article today that inspired me to be more accepting of myself.  I am an introvert.  I am a quiet person who lives in her head much of the time.  I will take talking 'streaks', when you cannot squeeze in a word - but, for the most part, I am quiet and reserved.  I like natural sounds (birds, running water, horse's nickering) rather than those of our technology (cars, trains, planes.)  The sounds of the earth and its creatures are comforting and help me to feel centered - both emotionally and physically.  And that reminds me of my core self...authentic Jenny... with all her strengths and weaknesses.  And it reminds me of my place in this universe.

It has taken some time to come to this calm contentedness.  And it seems to be a constant growth process.  Except, usually we think of growth as getting bigger, better; but my growth has been to strip away layers of scar tissue, scabs and stories created by my ego for its own preservation. 

 I've tried lots of things in the past to heal my wounds.  Some things work for awhile and then grow back.  This latest healer seems to be more effective because it is actually making the cause of the wounds unimportant.  The real cause of my wounds is myself and how I react to things.  When I take the importance out of those things (the stories), the reactions are much calmer and no wound is inflicted, and past wounds can heal when they are not constantly reinforced.

I've always liked the quiet.  Society told us that the best kind of person was outgoing;  Yet another way that other people cause us to doubt ourselves because they want to make money off of our fears.

This might make sense to some.  I hope it does.  It really is so much simpler than I thought.

Life Parallels

layers
of life
stories
all pertaining to the same underlying fact
of truth
telling me,
telling us.

i need to be
hit
on the head,
dense boney pumpkin that it can be,
to learn life lessons.
instead
i am blessed
to be able to see
and know -
to be shown
these multiple parallel lines in life.
sometimes on time
and sometimes too late
but all for good reason,
eventually.


these ironies
these metaphors
these reinforcing truths
aging confidence
in my soul.

early july veggies, herbs and trees

the watermelon and pumpkins are about 18 inches worth of vine this morning.  a flower or two on each - and the leaves and flowers are small.  the rabbits are not as big a bother  - even though there are about 5 times more rabbits this year than last.  i put up a different fence - obviously more effective than last year's.  the cucumbers and tomatoes are finally growing...they took a long time to start. i have trays of watermelon and pumpkin seeds popping now. and the corn seedlings will be about 4 inches tall when i put it in the ground this week. they are about 3 inches now. bunnies love baby corn - and i will put a plastic milk carton around each plant to protect them .  the plants doing the best here - i did not plant.  they are volunteer tomatoes growing all over the yard.  so far i see cherry tomatoes and the yellow teardops that we had last year.  spread by birds via there special organic 'fertilizer'.

my herbs are ... changing.  the oregano has flowered and is now beginning to fall over.  it is last year's plant.  perhaps it is finished and reseeding itself.  my thyme has barely grown and the sage grew and now looks like it is dying.  perhaps it dries on the plant?  the basil is already flowering and it is large and beautiful.  the rosemary bush out front is a rabbit house i think.  the dog has made an inroad on the north side of the bush...and the limbs are yellowing on that side.  it is a large bush and will survive.  rosemary is very hardy.

the strawberries are doing well.  soon i will plant a more professional row - with plastic rows keeping weeds and bugs at bay -  and a soaker hose for more efective watering.  the berries are delicious!  the grapes and berries have split stories.  i have one grape and one blackberry in the veggie garden out back.  They are doing very well.  I have 10 grape and 2 blackberry out front - and they are doing - not so well.  about one to two feet of growth out front versus 8 feet on the grape and 3 feet on the blackberry out back.  the ones in the garden are a year older - and they get watered much more.  after this season is finished - i will move the garden grapes and blackberry to the front - all together - and run the trellis and watering systems.  since this is the first year on the grapes out front, i am letting them grow however they want; without a trellis system.  next season i will take the healthiest - strongest part of the plants and attach them to the trellis line.  i planted them with wire cages for gopher protection - and it is working.  However i think i would like to invest in a gopher blaster for next season.  the roots will begin to go past my underground fence and go deep into gopher territory...and i hate losing plants to gophers.  (a gopher blaster uses propane, oxygen and fire to create an explosion - and the shock waves kill the gophers and moles, voles, etc.)

we have 3 avocado trees left out of the 5 we planted.  gophers took the two that died.  the remaining 3 are looking very good.  they were fed 2 weeks ago and get watered deeply once a week.  they are about 4 to 5 feet tall and look to be producing fruit.  i hope the fruit makes it without being eaten by insects or critters.  i moved our dwarf apple trees and they are looking wonderful - better than ever.  they took the transfer very well.  i used a little root stimulator and lots of water - and they are green and beautiful.  i was given several trees for my birthday - some lived - some didin't.  i lost the plum and apricot.  i think i planted them in an area that was too wet back in november.  the apple and the peach however - are doing very nicely.  the peach is battling some fungus - but i think we can beat it.  i pluck the affected leaves carefully and throw them in the trash right away.  careful not to infect anything else.  i hope i can get it healthy without using any chemicals.