Auras, Spirit Animals, Psychic Ability

I want to believe in a power greater than me.  I want a creator who is all powerful and loving.  I am a Christian sort of...I don't know what the different denominations would say about me now.  I believe in the majority of things in the Holy Bible, however, which version?  And, why are so many documents left out?  And how do you know that the scholars who put it together were working through the Spirit of God?  I've known many people who claim to have the word of God - and they are liars.  We are human beings.  We make mistakes.  So, what to believe, and why?  

My friends tell me I over think things.  I do.  I want to understand.  I want to know if what some people call phony - is it phony?  or is it true?  or sorta true?

I've been playing with the idea of visiting a Meet-Up with a Psychic Development Group.  It is $25 for 2 hours in Oceanside.  Why do they charge money?  Is it a way to make money?  Is all of religion and / or spiritual need just a money making opportunity?  

Perhaps rather than meeting with people I should read books.  I've noticed that many people on Facebook groups do not seem very intellectual.  Emotional people can believe lots of things to make them feel better.  I am an emotional person.  Is that what I want?  

I've had people tell me that my Aura is a blueish crystal color.  My spirit animal is the Owl with the Bear a close second.  I've loved and felt bear-like forever.  Especially with people I love.  I am a Momma-Bear, for sure.  Sometimes I just "Know" things about people.  It is a calm knowing, but the fact that I feel it surprises me.  

I believe that God is bigger than I was taught he was.  I think the Bible puts Him in a box.  Not everything is addressed in the Bible...or, if it is, it is not clear to the average 2016 person.  Language changes all the time.  Cultural slang becomes proper speech over a period of several years.  It is one of my pet peeves, but I lose my language because people can't spell, slang changes because of media, the arts, music, etc.  

Why would God want to encourage killing?  Hate?  So many people have died in the name of God. 

Of course there is hypocrisy in churches.  I'm not talking about that. That is not the reason I have not been to church in a few years.  I realize humans are broken and that is why they search for God.   

I just want to know if God will hate me if I research other types of spirituality.  The Bible tells me it is an abomination.  But, why?  Isn't God big enough to watch as we live and learn from other things in His world?  If we bump into things and fail...so be it.  If we learn more - and discover a bigger world, a bigger love...is that wrong?

I think that if I'm wrong and I bump into monsters in the darkness, God will forgive me and welcome me back...in fact, he will save me.  I know he loves me.  He made me and he knows about my curiosity.  When my children are curious, I want them to discover things for them selves, but I want to protect them from harm too.  When they discover for themselves, they are more likely to return to me permanently.  If I tell them, if I command them - they may revolt, turn away and never return.  I think God knows that too.