Research Day

You'd think by the time you reach your 50s you'd have more answers...but I seem to have more questions.

I am wondering more and more about the insides of my body.  Apparently my gut decided that today is the day to do a total fluid exchange.  Why?  After I ate a dinner last night of those wonderful pork and beans that I made the other day, I swelled up like a tick and became - what the old people call - deathly ill.  I felt like I had a 30 pound ball of cement in my stomach.  i could not find a comfortable position; was extrememly nauseated and sought an early bed time, only to waken at 3am with the call of the toilet...it has continued calling all day.  An excedrin migraine strength took care of the headache. I figure that I must be lacking a digestive enzyme??  Boyd ate the same beans and did not get sick.

So, I watched a few episodes of Know the Cause (online).  I have been trying to grow good bacteria this past week and perhaps it is really a battle of the bugs...good bacteria vs. fungii, parasites, mycotoxins, etc.  Whatever...I want to create a pH in my body that does not support the growth of fungii and parasites.  That means I give up bread again.  And sweets.  And white wine.  I have not read all the info yet, but I know that is at least part of the start of it.  And I think after this gut bout I will begin clean raw foods for awhile...do the phase one.


Second research item, which is way more fun, was a question that I asked Google:  What makes good literary fiction?  I got so many options to choose from...I chose two and was reading for quite some time.  I now have a simple outline on how to build a basic story;  all the different components required, why they  are important, how they rely on each other; how to layer the components effectively, etc.

I was beginning to think I was just plain out of luck;  that the one thing I feel I am supposed to do was out of my reach.  I can sit with pencil and paper or computer at hand knowing deep inside i am meant to write, but i get tied up in knots and then don't write anything good, because I try too hard with the wrong or incomplete information I need to make it all work.  I am not well read enough to automatically write well.  One thing I have learned this week is that writing is definitely a craft.  It is not something everyone can do.  I want to be one of the ones that can do it.  I have always thought I was - and that one day I would easily sail into that world flying the flag of the victorious.  That might not happen.  But I have to write anyway.  I have to be able to get the words that I have out of my head and onto paper.  I have to be able to finally speak.  I have held in words for so long and I am tired of it.  I want to finally live for me and this is a part of it.

That all said - I have some more reading to do.  Think I'll do it in the bathroom.

Excuse me.

Don't worry if you hear thunder down San Diego way - it's just me...